Oregon Network Transforms Parenting Struggles into Stronger Families

In an ideal world, parents would know how to do the job as soon as their child is born. They’d be supported by nearby family and friends and would never feel ashamed to ask for help.  

In the real world, parents have little backup, learn on the job and worry that everyone else is doing it better.

Making the real world a little more ideal has been the focus of the Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative (OPEC) since it formed 15 years ago with support from Oregon Community Foundation donors.

Through the Collaborative, foundation funders, nonprofits and Oregon State University researchers provide coordination, technical assistance and professional development to parenting educators who serve families in nearly every Oregon county in a network of local parenting education hubs. 

OPEC hubs have delivered thousands of evidence-based parenting courses and workshops in Oregon communities –– helping more than one million families be the best version of themselves, according to Oregon State University researchers.

Now, after helping to launch the network and provide the catalytic funding and flexibility to make it successful, OCF is stepping back. The state of Oregon has stepped in with money to keep OPEC running. And OCF’s research team is studying OPEC for lessons that could guide other philanthropic efforts to improve the lives of children and families.

The stakes could not be higher for Oregon kids.

“We know that zero to five are very critical years in a child’s development. Those first years are when they develop their understanding of the world, of who they are and who they can be, of what's safe and what their options are in the world,” says Ruby Ramirez, OCF senior program officer for early childhood programs.

“Because OCF cares about young children's development, we want to support the adults in their lives with the skills, resources and tools to be able to interact with them in positive, nurturing ways.”

Support for a child’s first teacher

When OPEC formed in 2010, “parenting education” classes and resources were hard to find. OCF, The Ford Family Foundation, The Collins Foundation and Meyer Memorial Trust joined OSU’s Hallie E. Ford Center for Healthy Children and Families to build a system to provide all Oregon parents with access to high-quality programs that support them in their critical role as their children’s first teachers.

“In a sense, parenting education classes are modeling how to build community –– how to connect with other people, especially when you may not be getting that support and connection elsewhere,” says Shauna Tominey, OPEC’s lead coordinator and an OSU associate professor in human development and family sciences.

As OPEC expanded, foundation funding allowed the hubs to experiment and evolve to fit the changing needs of parents and the unique nature of their communities.

Kids and parents gather for a free monthly Connect & Play event with the theme “Card Games for the Whole Family” at Mid-Valley Parenting.

“With foundation funding, there wasn’t that pressure to get everything exactly right the first time, or you risk losing your funding. OPEC partners really stood behind us doing what's right for our community. They said, ‘we’re going to be flexible, and we're going to adjust as needed,’” says Stephanie Gilbert, who leads the Mid-Valley Parenting (MVP) hub for Polk and Yamhill counties, one of many hats she wears as Polk County’s family and community outreach program manager.

For example, MVP and other local hubs at first offered mostly classes for parents, like Active Parenting and Parenting a Second Time Around (for grandparents raising their kids’ children). Over time, hubs realized that busy parents were leery of committing to a six- or 12-week course. But they would show up for one meaningful event that allowed them to connect with other families. Once engaged, they’d return for more.

After schools reopened post-COVID, Gilbert’s team heard that parents needed help with bedtime routines. MVP responded with a pajama party at the library: Children wore their PJs, read books and practiced how to wind down for a restorative night’s sleep, while parents compared struggles and parenting educators chimed in with proven strategies to help.

When MVP got wind that kids were getting in trouble for hitting each other at one of the local elementary schools, the hub invited all families to an arts and crafts night, where they made ceramic handprints. Parents felt supported instead of shamed, and kids had fun using their hands in creative, not harmful ways. A light-hearted event opened the door to a critical conversation among parents and parenting educators about how to help children make better choices.

All parents need help

As vast as it is, OPEC’s power is best illustrated by small moments among small groups of parents in small towns across Oregon. Angie Milburn has fostered many such moments as a parenting educator for Mid-Valley Parenting (MVP), which serves Dallas, Monmouth and other communities in Polk and Yamhill counties.

Families decorate pumpkins at a free monthly Connect & Play event hosted by Mid-Valley Parenting.

Whether she’s leading a six-week class or a one-time spaghetti dinner, Angie typically starts with a question like “How do you all deal with temper tantrums?” or “Is anybody struggling with bedtime routines?” Often, that’s all it takes to create crucial connections.

“As facilitators we learn, once we ask a question, to just let parents talk. Someone will say ‘I’ve had that problem,” and they’ll go back and forth: ‘Well, what did you do about it? Well, this is what I tried, but it didn't work,’” Angie explains. “And then all of a sudden, they’re giving each other tools and skills. And right there, they’ve made a community.”

The challenges parents share are vexing but relatively low-key, from babies who won’t stop crying to toddlers who won’t listen, to grade schoolers who refuse to eat anything other than mac and cheese. But for Angie, one dad’s struggle stood out.

That night, the young father asked for help with his 18-month-old, who insisted on throwing his toys off his highchair tray. Every time a toy clattered to the floor, the dad told the gathered parents, he would pull the toddler out of the highchair and spank him. Every time. 

Stifling her urge to yell “no, no, no!” Angie helped the dad understand that toy-throwing is typical toddler behavior and wouldn't last. Kids that age are like scientists, always trying new things in search of a reaction. Other parents chimed in with solutions: Let your child eat on the floor or in a bouncy chair lower to the ground. Turn the conflict into a game you can both enjoy.

“And the dad's eyes, they just got huge. He was like, 'I would never have thought of that.’ All he thought was that his child was being naughty,” Angie recalls. He became the most avid note-taker in the group.

OPEC aims to strengthen families while reducing the risk of child abuse and neglect. A key idea is that parenting education should be a community norm – accessible and attractive to families with all kinds of life experiences, from the local school superintendent to the mom mandated by a court to attend.

"This work is not about telling parents that they're doing something wrong or changing how they want to parent,” says Ramirez. “It's about enhancing the skills that they already have and enhancing their ability to raise their children how they want to raise them. And supporting them so they’re not frustrated and stressed out, and they don't feel helpless. Because children don't come with an instruction manual. Every parent needs help.”

Lessons for future funders

As OCF’s involvement winds down, Jean-Marie Callan, OCF senior research and learning officer, is examining OPEC for lessons that foundation funders can apply to future investments aimed at improving the lives of Oregon children and families. Chief among them:

Provide grantees with the flexibility that has helped Gilbert’s team succeed. Value parent voices and keep them at the core of the work. Don’t underestimate the time it takes to create a new system from scratch.

OCF and its partners spent 15 years helping to build the capacity of local OPEC hubs to deliver what families need.

“That made it a more investable strategy for government, because those pieces were already in place in communities,” Callan says.

In other words, one of the biggest lessons that OPEC holds for philanthropic funders –– to design a system that can thrive without you –– is similar to Gilbert’s goal as a parenting educator: To put herself out of a job. 

She says: “Families can't do better if they don't know better.”

What you can do

• Learn more about the Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative, from OCF or OSU’s Hallie E. Ford Center for Healthy Children and Families.
• Consider a gift to one of Oregon’s 16 nonprofit OPEC parenting education hubs to help the network reach more families.
• If you have a donor advised fund, please contact your donor relations officer.
• If you’re new to OCF, our philanthropic advisors can help you make the most of your giving.